Old jokes, however terrible, are like old soldiers, they never really die. For gags go on to eternal life in the little slips you find in Christmas crackers.

This year, a jape or two will be especially welcome as, due to this intolerable quasi-lockdown, I am unable to socialise with chums at yuletide.

As an alternative, I have opened up all my Xmas crackers originally destined as gifts, read the jokes and reproduced the more humorous results (although it’s hard to t...